Y'all Have Good Weekend

Sorry for making y'all read so many words today.  Ill make it up to you.

I'll leave you with this and I promise you with not be disappointed.  Hang in there until about 1:10, but don't skip forward otherwise you'll lose the unh and the yeeaahh booooy!

I vote for Eli.





This is what's on my menu this weekend, how about you?

Meme Fail

Um, yeah.

Words hurt . . . and sometimes kill.
Calling a person “illegal” denies their human dignity.

You know what else denies their human dignity?  Their own f'n country.  For God's sake, if Mexico wasn't such a corrupt, third world, violent hellhole, these people would have no good reason to risk their money and their lives and don't forget, sometimes their own children's lives to cross through a desert in the middle of the night for a better opportunity.  Don't talk to me about dignity.  What little, if any dignity they had, was left at the border the moment they crossed over.  These people are breaking immigration law by immigrating illegally, therefore (drumroll please), they are illegal immigrants!

And so what is the appropriate nomenclature you retards, since we cannot refer to them as "illegal" immigrants?  Let's just make up some entirely meanigless bullshit like nocturnal terrain traversers or un-proportionally inconvenienced wayfarers or ethnic non-traditional and differentially challenged employment gatherer.  There, does that make everyone feel better?

Dear Liberals,

Fuck you!

Sincerely,
Burnt Toast

It boils down to this for me.  I like to keep it very simple.  If you have entered this country via any other way than at a very expensive and modern and well-apportioned point of entry like, I don't know, a well-marked and efficient border crossing, then you have broken the basic law of entering our country.  That is all.  There is no discussion.  That makes you a criminal.  You are entering the country illegally.  It was your choice, you did it, no one pulled you by the dick and balls over the border, and if you get killed, maimed, sold into slavery, or perhaps actually make it here, get a job, raise a family, pay taxes, so on and so on, well guess what?  You are still a fucking illegal immigrant!

I happen to like Mexican people and I enjoy speaking with them in their language.  I think they are generally honest, hard working, most of the time more family-oriented than we are, and I completely understand the desire to seek a better life.  But modern society is based upon rules and laws and once those are broken I don't care what kind of person you are, what color you are, how many limbs you have or if you have a penis growing out of your ear.  You break the law, you break the rules, then expect to pay a price.

Simplicity is an art long forgotten by our brain damaged and supposedly modern society.  Most of us have the attention span of a fruit fly and. . .what?  What was that?  Kim Kardashian did what?  ZOMFG!!!! 

Idiot

Even with a CIA memo telling the real story behind the bin Laden operation, Rent-A-President Guts McGutterson continues to spike the football.

(photoshop courtesy of Freaking News)

Sorry Mr. Obama, you are not a badass for sitting in a comfy chair in a bomb proof building with bulletproof windows and agreeing to commence a military operation.  If you bite the nuts off a tiger or kick the shit out of a grizzly bear, then you'll be a badass.  Now fold your mom jeans like a good boy and go play in your room quietly.  We'll let you know when Sesame Street comes on.

Friday Fun

What's a Friday without a little humor and music, right?  It's not like you are working hard or anything.  It's Friday, live a little.

My Eyes!

Sometimes I like reading the gossip columns of the UK Guardian.  Why?  Well, let's just say that life in Mississippi isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I find it pleasing to read about the everyday problems of the rich and famous.  And occasionally they have great pictures of Katie Holmes without makeup, bad hair and frumpy clothes which thrills me that wacko Scientologist Tom Cruise has to wake up to that face every morning.

Anyway, today I was perusing the sidebar and saw an article about "The Pregnant Man."  I've heard of "The Pregnant Man" before, but was never interested enough to follow up and I just assumed it was some other attention hungry fruitcake like Kate Gosselin or the Duggars or some other freakshow of dysfunctional people that I could do without knowing.  Paging Chloe Kardashian!  Well, I guess it turns out that I am right and also "The Pregnant Man" is actually a woman, vaginally speaking of course.

So, if you want to read an article about how "The Pregnant Man" was beaten and kicked in the crotch by his alcoholic "wife" then go ahead and click on through, but I will warn you in advance, there are other photographs which are greatly disturbing like one of a mustached man thing, sweaty, and knees pulled up around his chin trying to squirt out a baby.

Remember, a photograph once seen cannot be unseen.

And for those of you with weak constitutions or who prefer their women without mustaches, then here is a compilation of photographs of Sherilyn Fenn, who is most certainly 100% woman.

Regressive

You know, I thought the West coast of the United States was supposed to be a liberal hotbed of progressive thinking and ideals.

Oh wait, it is.

But when two companies offered their chauffeur services at a cut-rate through Groupon in separate months last year, Portland responded each time by assessing fines on every Groupon sold: a total of $635,500 for Towncar.com and $259,500 for Fiesta Limousine. The firms refunded their would-be customers rather than risk going bankrupt.

There they go again, to paraphrase Reagan.  Subjugating one group in favor of another all in the name of "fairness" and forced equality.  Gee, it's almost like this has happened before and with spectacular results!

Joe Biden: You are super gay!

Uncle Chuckles. The gift that keeps on giving.  Sounds like Joe has jungle fever.

Referring to President Roosevelt's foreign policy quote about "speaking softly and carrying a big stick," Biden told the crowd that Obama followed a similar path while negotiating with Iran.

"I promise you, the president has a big stick. I promise you"

I miss Barney Frank.

Nothingness

These are not the droids you are looking for.

In February, Weich denied the Justice Department’s involvement in another scandal. The Daily Caller learned that the DOJ had failed to arrest and prosecute several indicted financial criminals because of an alleged bribery scheme. Weich said the DOJ had no knowledge of any bribery.

But TheDC’s investigation unearthed allegations that two DOJ prosecutors on a team of more than 25 accepted cash bribes from indicted finance executives in the U.S. Virgin Islands. And USVI Gov. John de Jongh allegedly accepted part of at least $20 million in cash bribes in exchange for favors from his administration. At least five other prosecutors, according to TheDC’s well-placed source in the DOJ, were compromised.

Why this stuff doesn't make it into the national news is just another indictment of our bankrupt, corrupt and immoral news media.  What we don't know won't hurt us, right?

Love Connection

I can't even begin to describe the inherent awesomeness of Chuck Woolery.  I know you're thinking "wtf?" and so was I because I had no idea he was on the home team.  Watch and learn:



Thanks to The Jawa Report

Hot Dogs

This blog is sometimes about hot dogs.

That is all.

Proceed.

Sheep's Clothing

A quotation: 

A good deal of tyranny goes by the name of protection. - Crystal Eastman

Do you feel protected now?

"Two years ago, we made history together by finally passing health reform," said Mrs. Obama. "And because we passed this law, insurance companies will now have to cover basic preventive care--things like prenatal care, mammograms, contraception--at no extra cost."[emphasis mine]

At no extra cost?  Really?  If we are to believe that contraception costs thousands of dollars a year as Sandra Fruit Loops claimed, then clearly our rent-a-president and his old lady have no concept of even the most basic economic principle. 

Yes dear, you've made history alright.  And I can't wait for the last chapter to be written on November 6, 2012.

Awesomeness Squared

Speaking of mathematics, there are equations that could accurately estimate within 1/10,000th of 1% the absolute predictability and mundanity of your life.  You sit there in your cubicle, miserable, and absently picking boogers while fantasizing about the leggy brunette in human resources who favors Minnie Driver when you realize that your life will only be complete when you actually get the leggy brunette to notice you and you see Chuck Norris kick the shit out of a grizzly bear.

Face it punk, your life is about to be improved by 50%.  The other half is your own doing, but scrape the dried boogs from your pants leg first numbnuts.

Supreme Stupidity

Going through life ugly is an unfortunate matter and most of us can do nothing to change that.  However, going through life ugly and stupid is a a proposition with a 50% chance of improvement.

Others, on the other hand, are so profoundly and deliberately stupid that mathematical formulas have yet to be theorized to represent this scale of ignorance.

Paging Mr. T. . . . .

Found Waldo

I don't know what to say about this.

It was either the best time this guy ever had or the worst experience of his life.

You decide.

Pop Goes the Weasels

I can't say that I have completely agreed with everything the Dalai Lama has said over the years, but I totally agree with this.

(insert popping cranium noises)

And also, President Bush would have never done this to such a revered and spiritual man:

Dear China and Rent-A-President Obama,


Suck it!

Love,
GWB

汉字/漢字

I wonder how you say "oh shit" in Chinese because I'd be willing to bet three orders of dog-on-a-stick (hey Obama!) that it is exactly what passed through this young woman's mind on the way down.

Completely unrelated to the fate of the girl above is this girl, who apparently, is as smart as she looks.

By the way, welcome back Captain and you're welcome!  Let's get this place rockin'!

Yeah...That's the ticket

From the too little too late files...

Jon Lovitz, an early “Saturday Night Live” cast member, had some harsh words for President Barack Obama over the weekend.

In an interview with “Clerks” director Kevin Smith, Lovitz, a registered Democrat who voted for Obama in 2008, bashed the president for his class warfare rhetoric and the notion that the wealthy don’t pay their fair share in taxes.

“This whole thing with Obama saying the rich don’t pay their taxes is fucking bullshit, and I voted for the guy and I’m a Democrat. What a fucking asshole,” Lovitz said.

Super Whacky Muslim Fun Time

Ahmed signs a new lease for his tent.

They Damn Near Beat the Man to Death

I have cut off all hoodies from any of my children's apparel.  

According to police, Owens fussed at some kids playing basketball in the middle of Delmar Drive about 8:30 Saturday night. They say the kids left and a group of adults returned, armed with everything but the kitchen sink. 

Police tell News 5 the suspects used chairs, pipes and paint cans to beat Owens.
Owens' sister, Ashley Parker, saw the attack. "It was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed." Parker says 20 people, all African American, attacked her brother on the front porch of his home, using "brass buckles, paint cans and anything they could get their hands on." 

Police will only say "multiple people" are involved. 

What Parker says happened next could make the fallout from the brutal beating even worse. As the attackers walked away, leaving Owen bleeding on the ground, Parker says one of them said "Now thats justice for Trayvon." 

Of course,  Police won't say the assailants are all black.  They'll only say "multiple people" were involved.  Using the word "people" loosely.

Burnt Toast...You Magnificent Bastard!

Thanks for keeping the site from being shut down for inactivity.  You the man!

I've been doing some blog soul-searching and have decided that I will get back into the game.  More of a duty than a pleasure at this point.  Life is kicking me in the nuts.  But I live for the day that I can kick it back.

Sooo...readers....All 4 of you.  Don't count me out.  Don't Trayvon me.  I still have a lot of good to give.

And I'm real excited to be back!

They're real excited in Pakistan too...

Beat It!

There is one thing about the press, they never give up on a good story no matter the truth or validity of it.  Just ask Dan Rather.

By the way, here are two presidents doin' what presidents do.  Although with largely different outcomes.

This Just In!

Kim Kardashian may have more curves than Sebring International Raceway but the hamster that spins the wheel in her head must be either the laziest bastard alive or he runs backwards.  Someone should end his misery (hers too!) and turn him into a fur coat for a penis.

Justice Is An Animal

We Are All George Zimmerman is an essay by Daniel Greenfield about the public tragedy of the Zimmerman/Martin case and I suggest that you read and understand each and every word of it.  I have nothing further to comment other than to say that Mr. Greenfield is right.  Damn right.

A sample:

The beast that is doing its best to swallow up Zimmerman knows no facts or truths, it has no virtues, only goals. It cares nothing for what he did or did not do. Its only goal is to swallow him whole. It has eyes made of cameras, teeth made of guns, network cables for guts, a mind made of slogans and a nervous system that always needs stimulation. The beast may fail in its task, but it will let out a brief howl and move on to the next victim.

Honorable

We can never repay the sacrifices that our Armed Forces make everyday on the battlefield.

Godspeed Marine, Godspeed.

Surprise!

The video speaks for itself.

Long Dong Long Gone

In honor of North Korea's failed rocket launch yesterday, which is no surprise considering they can't even grow enough food for themselves, I present you with this video to celebrate with.

I'm sure this is NSFW, because it shows people launching fireworks from their buttholes which is apparently on par with the intelligence of North Korean rocket scientists.

French Fried

The French can be so weird. Must be all that wine they drink.

Eat Me

I never knew who Jennifer Lawrence was until I saw her in the independent movie The Burning Plain several weeks ago.  It wasn't an outstanding movie, it was pretty dark, a little deviantly twisted and mildly predictable, but enjoyable. What struck me most about her performance was this tangible, just beneath the surface smoldering quality she has, which I suspect is an innate part of her own personal and real self.

Anyway, when I read the other day that she blasted PETA, I knew this girl had a lot more going for her than her sultry looks. God bless you Jennifer, you have achieved permanent greatness in my book. And you know, if you ever want to trade squirrel recipes. . .or phone numbers. . .

The New Big Feed Girl of the Week Month Year Foreseeable Future.

Pot and Kettles

What do you think the chances are the Bloomberg has armed security protecting him and his family at all times?

The rest of us?  Well, I guess us po' folks just have to be victims.

Say What?

Just when you say it can't be, it be.

Via ZIP:

“If we find evidence of a potential federal criminal civil rights crime, we will take appropriate action,” Holder added. “And, at every step, the facts and the law will guide us forward,” he added.

I, for one, will be thrilled when they do in fact release the known details of the case.  One way or the other this ginned up bullshit has to stop.

On another note, I wonder if Holder asked Sharpton about his unpaid taxes?

Pants On Fire

"When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic." ~ Dresden James

Ladies and gentlemen, your president:

"Here is the news. We tried this for eight years before I took office. We tried it. It is not like we did not try it. . ." ~ Baracka Obama

Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush. . . . . .

Explosive!

Save the polar bears, kill your coworkers!

Perfect liberal logic.

Wigglin' and Jigglin'

I think we all need to take a few deep breaths and relax a little from the constant influx of bad news and remember one important thing. . .

Leonardo DiCaprio is a douchebag.

Kudos to Kudlow

I find it terribly difficult to watch Larry Kudlow on television.  He is only slightly less annoying than Jim Cramer or Sean Hannity, but his writings are brilliant and there is no doubt that he is a very intelligent and well-informed man.

Today's column by Kudlow at the National Review skewers Obama's anti-energy, anti-common sense energy policy.

This sums it up nicely:  He hates fossil fuel, and he hates success.

Smacked

The moral of this story is:  Be Prepared.

Oh and it's time to wash that hair Debbie.