Report Claims Neanderthal Man was the First Metrosexual

Look how far they've come. From the cave to the White House.

British archaeologists have unearthed evidence that Neanderthals wore makeup 50,000 years ago. Researchers say the discovery proves the human subspecies were not the 'half-wits' people assume and were capable of symbolic thinking.

Is that a valid scientific conclusion? That wearing makeup makes you less of a half-wit? John Wayne Gacy wore makeup too.

Professor Joao Zilhao, from Bristol University, said the find shot-down 'the view of Neanderthals as half-wits'. He said: 'To me, it's the smoking gun that kills the argument once and for all. 'The association of these findings with Neanderthals is rock-solid and people have to draw the associations and bury this view of Neanderthals as half-wits. 'This is the first secure evidence that, some 50,000 years ago - ten millennia before modern humans are first recorded in Europe - the behaviour of Neanderthals was symbolically organised.'

So they were "symbolically organised". Big flippin' deal. So were these people.