OK so you are eating and playing with rats and pushing a super fine shopping cart down the sunny streets of Recover Summer II. Not what you pictured for yourself but you're getting by. With the help of The Big Feed you are eating, entertaining yourself and your kids and you now have a means of getting other peoples garbage back to your home base at the neighborhood Obamaville. But although you all wish, you can't have the Big Feed holding your dirty little hand every minute of the day. This brings me to our next topic:
Networking.
You are going to need friends down at the bottom of that barrel we call Obamanomics. Those old friends you had on Linked In or Face Book are gone. They are either working for the government and fully reprogrammed or living in the competing Obamaville across town. Forget them. You need new friends. Ones that have specialized skills like turning road kill into delicious snacks or scarying people away from your shopping cart.
Here are some helpful tips on building your new Recovery Summer professional network:
1) Smell is not a disqualifying feature. Your new friends are going to smell like dumpster liquid in august. It's OK. You think you smell any better?
2) Teeth. The number of teeth your new friends are going to have is very low. Refrain from Jack-o-Lantern and "Billy Bob" jokes and you should be fine.
3) A violent, unpredictable, smelly, toothless contact who can skin and cook rats is better than having a violent, unpredicatble, smelly, toothless contact who can not. Check their backgrounds.
4) Crazy people are one thing but crazy people who voted for Obama are just light years worse than that. Stay away from them. They are on their own. Most likey they will kill themselves somehow.
5) Stay close to the tall thin bums. They can fit into stuff. Try holding their ankles as they climb into a clothing drop or a Boston Market dumpster. These people are the key to your survival.
6) Always have lots of sticks to beat your friends that suddenly turn into enemies when food hits the floor.
There are more tips but frankly I gotta go start my weekend.
Remember folks, we aren't messing around here. Keep your eyes open. Some of the craziest mofo's can be your next CEO or CFO of your Obamaville. This is not the time to turn your nose up at anyone. Network!!!
Stay tuned for more exciting Recovery Summer II tips!!
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