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Thursday, June 21, 2012

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I coach a 12 year old boys baseball team.  I have noticed that kids don't "chatter it up" like we did when I was a kid.  When we played, we chattered non-stop.  We urged on our teammates, we insulted the opposing team.  Heck, parents even joined in.  These days?  There is no chatter.  None.  I don't like that.

I was discussing this issue with my son last night.  I told him about all the stuff we used to say to the other team.  How we would insult the opposing batters and just say some of the rudest stuff.  He looked at me like I was lying.

It was no great stretch for me to understand what happened to all the chatter on the baseball diamond.  I knew it's disappearance had to be due to communist kickball loving liberals.  My instincts were correct.  Consider this story from 2007:
A rule prohibiting the hollering of standard, even relatively mild, baseball taunts was put into effect after a brawl involving adults last year. The Knothole Club of Greater Cincinnati only allows chatter from the bench and field that is supportive of teammates. 
The president of the Knothole Club explained why the rule was implemented: "If you're saying, 'Swing, batter,' and this poor little kid is swinging at everything, he feels bad and maybe he turns to the catcher and gets mad. Honest to gosh, I didn't have any trouble doing this."


This is Derek Bell.  He played little league baseball for the Belmont Heights  All-Star team from Tampa, Florida.  He went on to play in the major leagues.  He was a good player and even received some MVP votes one year.

In 1981, when I was 12 years old, we played against Derek Bell's team in the Southern Regional Tournament.  The tournament was in St. Petersburg, Florida, the backyard of that Belmont Heights team.  The winner of our game would go on to the Little League World Series.  As state champions from North Carolina, we had obliterated the opposition we had faced in the tournament.  We beat Georgia 11-0, we beat Texas, 9-0, and we had beaten West Virginia 11-1.  We pretty much thought we were invincible.  And then we faced that team from Florida

During the game, as part of his chatter, he called me a "rudy poo pansy pants".  A "rudy poo pansy pants".  Chatter like I had never heard.  Caught off guard, I responded with "your momma".  A weak response, I know, but it was all I could come up with on such short notice.  Derek responded by giving up only 1 hit the entire game and striking out 13 batters in just 6 innings.  We lost 6-0 and we were sent home crying.  I hated Derek Bell for this, and I hated the fact that in addition to beating me on the field, he beat me with his chatter.  It has stuck with me to this day.

Out of curiosity, this morning, I googled Derek Bell to see what had become of him.  I found this on Wikipedia:
On April 25, Bell and pitcher Scott Sanders were arrested in New York City before a game against the New York Mets, as police claimed that the pair had offered undercover policewomen $20 in exchange for oral sex.
On April 20, 2006, Derek Bell was charged with felony cocaine possession and possession of drug paraphernalia, after police found a warm crack pipe in the back seat of his car during a traffic stop.  He was arrested again on December 2, 2008, facing three counts of possession of drug paraphernalia and one count of failure to appear in court on another charge of possession of drug paraphernalia from earlier in the year.  

This is Derek Bell in 2008.  Interesting.  It seems Derek Bell's life took a turn for the worse, and although I do not wish such troubles on any man, I feel compelled to say...Hey Derek!...What's up you rudy poo pansy pants?


I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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